CENTRAL CASTING

A question: Could any two individuals look more perfect as New Millennium Televangelists? You gotta give it to Central Casting for doing a phenomenal job.

For Joel, the Casting Call Notice simply read: "White, somewhat smarmy male with Jerry Lee Lewis-styled hair. Unctuous persona personified. No formal religious training required. None. Nada. Zero. Zip."

For Victoria, the Casting Call Notice was just as specific: "Blond beauty. Needs to possess a love of money. No religious convictions necessary. Official Tammy Faye Make-up Case provided."

Apparently Queen Victoria can be ill-tempered on occasion, as the little incident aboard Continental Flight 1602 illustrates. A $3,000 fine by the FAA for "interferring with a flight attendant" over a small spill on her seat in the First Class section shows a lack of class, if nothing else. It also showed her and the rest of the Osteen family the door. Even Eve wasn't as bitchy...

As for Joel's new book, BECOME A BETTER YOU -- Seven Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day, it might as well have been titled BECOME A BETTER ME -- Seven Keys To Improving My Bank Account. Keep passing the plate...

I say the heck with the both of them -- give me an Osteen I can trust.

Like Claude!