Tuesday, September 11, 2007


It’s depressing when the most delicious thing to be had in a restaurant isn’t even on the menu. Such was the case on a recent visit to Buck and Ozzie’s Last Chance, a barbeque and burger emporium located on Texas Highway 46 just east of U. S. 281 near New Braunfels.

As we walked into the rather nicely done rustic structure befitting a forties style barbeque house we couldn’t help but notice the rather large county deputy dining on his dinner. There is a myth, or maybe it’s fact, that truckers always know the best places to eat. Ever see a crowded truck stop feeding place? The drivers seem as large as their rigs. Must be the food, right? Well, this was one large deputy, so one would think the food here to be filling. It’s a BYOB establishment (for you non-Texans in the crowd that means Bring Your Own Bottle). We carried in a bottle of red in hopes of washing down good burgers and barbeque.

As you might have guessed by now I am somewhat obsessed with finding a place that will do a proper burger, so, once again, I had high hopes. Have I mentioned I’m also a Texas Ranger fan? I’m beginning to believe the Rangers will appear post season before I find a proper burger in this part of the state, but I digress.

We were seated and handed menus by the cutest little thing who told us her name was Morgan and this was her first day on this new job. She was perky, effervescent and extremely friendly. If she didn’t know the answer to some of our questions she sought out the answer from others longer there than she. One of our first questions was “could we meet Buck and Ozzie?” Imagine our disappointment when she informed us Buck and Ozzie were not real people. I felt cheated and violated. How would the owners of this sham like it if I invited them over to my house for dinner only to have them discover that I and the child bride of nearly four decades didn’t really exist? Oh, well…I still had Morgan to keep up my hopes and dreams.

I rolled the dice and went for broke by ordering the B and O Burger loaded (all the veggies) with mayo and no mustard and a side of fries. When asked about that “medium-rare” thing I have Morgan went to the kitchen and got assurance from the cook that, yes indeed, it would be cooked as I wanted -- medium-rare. Hallelujah…there is a god in the kitchen after all. Friend and his more significant other (yes, it was he whom, once again, had dragged me kicking and screaming into the bowels of culinary hell, but being the Texas Ranger fan that I am all was soon to be forgiven…assuming I was going to be sinking my crowns and bridge into medium-rare heaven. Friend and his more significant other went for the conservative approach and each had the sliced beef brisket sandwich.

Let me cut to the chase and just say the side of fries was the best part of my order. They had a light, crisp floury crust on them making their texture sublime (pardon my use of the snobbish) and far above your standard fries. Once again, I had been lied to. I was told I would get my burger as ordered, medium-rare. Apparently more and more restaurants are doing this (lying to the customers) only as a ploy to get your money. Their thinking must be that once the food gets to the table the customer is so hungry he or she won’t bother to complain and for the few who do, the establishment can absorb the loss from those who refuse to pay. It’s not a matter of not paying for me. I will always gladly pay for what I have eaten. In this case I should have only paid for half of the burger, for even with the wine we brought I could only choke down half of the hockey puck on a bun I was served. Friend and his more significant other had to ask for extra sauce…no, make that just sauce, for their sandwiches came bone dry on the bun.

Overall, I can only rate this dining experience as extremely lame. My companions’ barbeque was ordinary and my burger was nothing more than a tire patch. Only the fries rose above the mediocrity of the place…just another ordinary hash house by the side of the road. If only Morgan had been on the menu, I might now be dining on some jail house fare far better than the crap we had at Buck and Ozzie’s.


At 5:11 PM, Anonymous bfd said...

hmmmm....looks like a chicken sandwich from chik-filet to me....hmmmm?

At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Needtovent Headquarters said...

Dear bfd:

Hmmmmm -- is this a hockey puck or a rubbery cluck on a bun? Either way it is bad food...

For the record, this photograph came to us by way of the great grand nephew of Annie Leibovitz -- so who were we to question the authenticity? At least that's who the shutterbug told us he was.

In the future, all photographs associated with this blog will be inspected by Hans Blix before publication -- that's assuming he can find them.


Needtovent Intergalactic Headquarters

At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find these comments very interesting, because I just had lunch at Buck and Ozzie's for the first time and found the BBQ sandwich extremely good as were the fries. I can't however, say the same for the potato salad.

At 3:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Nowotny may know a thing or two about film production, but I don't think he knows beans about evaluating Texas food. I own a river lot close to Buck and Ozzie's and I have frequented the place on several occasions. I found their fajitas to be excellent, all 3 varieties. Besides, who goes to Buck and Ozzie's for a hamburger? They are known for the fajitas and BBQ. It's not the greatest place I've ever been to, but after enough trips to know better if it was that bad, I can guarantee I will be back.

At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Needtovent Headquarters said...

Dear Anonymous:

We are not trying to pass the BUCK, but the occasionally OSSEOUS restaurant reviews posted at Needtovent are written by Jerry L. Nelson and reflect solely his opinion. We shall pass along your comments to him.

The truth of the matter is that Mr. Nowotny frequents Buck and Ozzie's several times a month and finds it a welcome addition to the paucity of public eateries in the area.

Thanks, again, for writing.

Needtovent World Headquarters

At 3:09 PM, Blogger JD said...

I ate at this establishment and thought the food was a joke. It was cold and dry like it had been cooked 3 days before I had ordered it. The wait staff was a bit crude as well. Some LARGE gal named Vicky couldn't seem to speak without cussing like a sailor. Thank God I didn't have my kids with me. I personally wouldn't recommend this place to my dog. I've been in jail and the mystery meat sandwich was better than their so called hamburger. Now if you want a real good burger then stroll across the street From Buck and Ozzie's to the TEXAS 46. WOW thats a great burger and rings!!!! And no I dont own the Texas 46.


Post a Comment

<< Home