THIS COULD REALLY PUT THE "CRAW" IN CRAWFORD...

American Media, which owns the tabloids NATIONAL ENQUIRER, THE STAR and THE GLOBE, has in past years scooped the mainstream media on a number of high-profile indiscretions, including Gary Hart's affair with Donna Rice aboard the appropriately-named "Monkey Business," Bill Clinton's pollination of Gennifer Flowers and, most recently, the birth of Reverend Jesse Jackson's illegitimate child. (What would Buckwheat think?)

Yes, American Media reported these first and Sasquatch has been a subscriber ever since.

But can the just released details of the George W. Bush-Condoleeza Rice relationship and the alleged rift between Dubya and Laura (as published in the current edition of THE GLOBE) really be true?

Not in a million years. Then again -- if there's something to this, please remember that you learned about it here first.

Hey, if this expose' falls as flat as Ben Roethlisberger's schnozzola, then we at Needtovent promise to expose all the trashy details of Millard and Abigail Fillmore's infidelity. It's the least we can do...