MIRABILE DICTU

Needtovent's historic "One-Liner Contest" has a winner!

The decision was not an easy one, nor was it unanimous. An esteemed panel of judges deliberated longer than those during the Nuremburg Trail. Given the enormity of this decision, Needtovent was not surprised. For example, one of our "deciders" described his experience thusly: "My thoughts are tumbling in my head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free." This judge subsequently recused himself and is now back to his day job at the Comal County Appraisal District.

While the quality of the entries was undeniably excellent, we were a bit disappointed in the overall number of submissions. Despite our best efforts we got the feeling that the contest had gone unnoticed, much like the period after Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. As Truman Capote once said, "Where were you when the page was blank?"

While the scope of our contest was below expectations, we do want to thank Lubos Kohoutek for his kind words and condolences. And special thanks, also, must go to Joe Vorsas for being the first to enter.

Now, without further ado, here are the results:

"Honorable Mention" goes to Milena -- "The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty" (Woody Allen) and to Mr. Asshole -- "In Hollywood, its all about sincerity; if you can fake that, you've got it made" (George Burns).

And the WINNER is ------ Wyliewayne for:

"I am not worried about the deficit; it is big enough to take care of itself." (Ronald Reagan)

Congratulations, Wyliewayne, the panoply of promised prizes will trickle down your way later this week.