Friday, February 10, 2006

LOSER CONTEST ANNOUNCED!


With the Olympic Opening Ceremonies only a few hours away the entire staff of the needtovent empire felt it would be fun to run a contest aimed at identifying the all-time "LOSER" in sports or politics or any other category that comes to mind. As most of you will agree, our nation has become overly obssessed with winning, so much so that it is clearly time to celebrate the lamentable losers among us. And believe you me, America is rife with worthy candidates, past and present -- just ask anyone associated with the USC Trojan football program. Three-peat my ass...

The attached photo is that of Joe Pignatano, the only major league baseball player to ever hit into a triple play in his last at-bat. Poor old Joe is clearly a legitimate, legendary, lachrymose "loser" worthy of lampoonery if ever there was one. Alas, he is but the tip of the imbecilic iceberg.

As always with the needtovent contests there will be a GRAND PRIZE of indeterminate value for the winning submission. So don't delay, nominate your all-time BIGGEST LOSER by submitting your entry in the "Comments" section below. Please remember to identify yourself so we can contact you should your submission be the winning entry.

Let the fun begin.

(Must be 18 to enter. Entrants cannot be related to any player or coach of the Seattle Seahawks or a member of the Branch Davidians. All entries must be recieved by midnight February 20; that's President's Day. A coincidence? We think not).

12 Comments:

At 4:57 PM, Anonymous Mr. Darren said...

My nomination for the ultimate loser is, in my opinion, the epitome of loserdom....Scott Norwood, Kicker, Buffalo Bills. He misses a very makeable field goal that cost the Bills the only Super Bowl the Bills didn't get blown out in. Further, it was their first Super Bowl appearance ever and they subsequently went on to lose the NEXT THREE IN A ROW, probably because they never recovered from the trauma of losing on a field goal that missed by inches. Lastly, his miss was so horendous, it inspired the plot of the movie "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective" in which a kicker who misses a Super Bowl winning field goal in the final seconds and descends into madness, murder, and talking ass jokes. So I give you the obvious...Scott Norwood, loser supreme.

 
At 8:51 AM, Anonymous JB said...

Any Colorado Rockies Pitcher...

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger larry o.j. said...

On the surface Frank Lucchesi's managerial record doesn't seem to qualify him as the Biggest Loser. You have to factor in that his .442 lifetime winning percentage was "accomplished" with the lowly Phillies and Rangers of the 70's and a brief stint with the Cubs in the 80's.

But he could have been so much better. He was actually fired in June 1977 from the Rangers when they had a .500 record (31-31). A .500 record in June typically causes a rush on World Series bunting orders in Arlington.

So why was he fired? He had his 2nd-baseman arrested!

In Spring Training 1977 2nd-baseman, Lenny Randle, beat-up his manager, Frank Lucchesi, with a baseball bat (insert your own "that's the first thing Randle connected on all year" joke) causing Lucchesi to have a fractured cheekbone, black eye and other assorted injuries. And what was the reason for this assault? Lucchesi benched his 2nd-baseman in a frigging Spring Training Game! Something that managers and coaches in all sports at all levels do every day.

And somehow, some way, after Lucchesi filed charges his actions were deemed inappropriate by the Arlington braintrust (using the term loosely). Not often had Mr. Lucchesi built a .500 team, but his dreams of improving on a .442 lifetime record were taken from him on that fateful day in June 1977, thereby causing him to be worthy of the title, "The Biggest Loser."

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Ponderosa said...

JIMMY 'BEAVER TEETH' CARTER

 
At 9:05 PM, Anonymous mrn said...

me....i rest my case....mrn

 
At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Needtovent Contest Headquarters said...

We're off to a great start with these excellent entries.
Keep 'em coming...

Was George W. one of the Texas Rangers' "braintrust" when Lucchesi was fired? One cannot help but wonder.

Also, we can't help but ponder who "Ponderosa" is. If we don't know the source of the entry we can't consider them in the running for our coveted Grand Prize Award. However, we will admit that by remaining unknown Ponderosa does become a candidate for the "Habitat for Humility" award...

Remember -- you can enter as often as you want and the "Loser" can be from any walk of life, past or present.

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger Shawn T Lippert said...

Thank you for the informative blog
Here Is some additional
Luggage Resources for designer luggage and luggage up to 75% off if you or your readers are interested.

 
At 8:11 AM, Anonymous Needtovent Contest Headquarters said...

Mr. Lippert -- unless you are the official luggage supplier for the hajj (see "Could This Be A Jewhad?" which was posted on January 12th), stay the hell away from this blog. Your presence is nothing more than excess baggage...

 
At 9:11 PM, Anonymous mrn said...

fuck you lippert, and the suitcase you came in in....mrn

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger larry o.j. said...

Lippert,

lug this.

 
At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Mr. Darren said...

Designer luggage?!? Shit, man, sign me up!!!!

 
At 8:34 AM, Anonymous mrn said...

i'm even too late to have a decent entry....what a loser....mrn.

 

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