AND THE WINNER IS...
To say that our "BIGGEST LOSER" contest was an unqualified success goes without saying. Giddy palpitations were in evidence as the judges stared at the atomic-driven Timex here at Needtovent's Intergalactic World Headquarters, each in his own way counting the waning seconds as they inevitably marched in syncopation toward the midnight hour. The scene was eerily reminiscent of the main bunker at the Trinity Site near Alamogordo on July, 16, 1945.
With the dawn of a new day the esteemed judging panel began to ponder each of the entries. Heated debate emanated from the cloistered contest command center. Coffee was spilt. Chaos ran amuck. Calm finally prevailed.
Without further ado, THE WINNER IS:
Yes, the heartwrenching story of Frank Lucchesi struck a responsive chord among virtually all of the judges. Only Jeff Gillooly appeared unmoved, at least initially. When reminded of his own escapade regarding a to-be-unnamed-horseface-figure-skater Gillooly broke down, reached for his Louisville Slugger and acquiesced. The verdict was finally unanimous.
The GRAND PRIZE OF INDETERMINATE VALUE is now headed towards Big D (that's Dallas, Texas Darren) where larry o.j. resides. Congratulations Larry.
(The photo above is not from a scene in the upcoming feature film BROKEBACK BALL DIAMOND. Taken in 1993, during the Texas Rangers alumni game, it is apparent that even after sixteen long years Frank Lucchesi had no interest in making up with Lenny Randle.)