WHAT IN THE NAME OF SCOOTER MONZINGO?

Yes, what in the name of Scooter Monzingo is ESPN doing? For that matter, I could add what in the name of Jitter Fields, Happy Feller and Herkie Walls is ESPN doing?

Enough is enough.

The plethora of praise for the USC Condoms (i.e. Trojans) vs. my beloved Texas Longhorns has reached such puissant proportions that college football fans outside of Austin have not only taken notice, but have begun to hyperventilate at the horrendous hype. Mark May and minions have declared the Boys from Troy as the best college football team ever. They have dissected hypothetical (and totally bogus) match-ups against other outstanding collegiate teams of the past fifty-plus years inevitably declaring that this year's edition of Leinart, Bush et al would whoop everyone's ass. I haven't seen this much booty-licking since The Wild World of Sphincter Championships back in 1998. What's worse, it seems the insanity of it all has only just begun.

Perhaps Pete Fiutak of CollegeFootballNews.com has described ESPN's ludicrous behavior best: "Next week ESPN will do a comparative analysis of USC against a 1938 German Panzer Division, a pack of overweight housewives outside a Wal-Mart thirty seconds before the doors open on the day after Thanksgiving, and a tank of sharks with fricking laser beams attached to their fricking heads."

Personally, I'll take the overweight housewives any day. I know "mrn" would as well...