MR. & MRS. SMITH -- A Haiku Review

MR. & MRS. SMITH

Brad's the pits. Script fails.
More plot holes than bullet holes.
Beware Jolie's lips.

This big screen orgasm should have been titled MR. & MRS. SMITH & WESSON given the the bullet count and the array of rapid-fire weaponry deployed during the interminably long third act. Still, some will find the film worthy of a Blockbuster rental if just to see Angelina Jolie's big, juicy lips. Freak shows like this are mostly a thing of the past, but thanks to wide-screen aspect ratios and letterbox DVDs one cannot help but revel at those rosy reds. Personally, I find them abhorrent -- kinda like one giant crimson-painted caulfilower stacked above another. Yep, they are that large, that lumpy and that creepy. Makes me glad to know that I'm not a trailer hitch...