Monday, October 17, 2005

Numero Uno?


The University of Texas at Austin vows to be "Number One" in dozens of categories. In some instances there is truth to the assertion -- many athletic teams come to mind as does a beautiful, build-it-at-any-cost campus that is rivaled by very few colleges.

Alas, academics is another story entirely.

Going to the University of Texas for a great education is like going to Hooter's for a great meal. In any given year there are almost as many sheepskins emanating from Bevo U. as New Zealand. Big isn't necessarily better. Big is just big -- but do I care? NO...

You see, I like going to Hooters and I thoroughly loved going to UT. What I found was a world-class party school and so in this second installment of NOWOTNY'S PARTY HEARTY COLLEGE CAMPUS GUIDLINE it is a privilege, indeed, to award my alma mater a "Suds to Semen Ratio" of 3.4 -- yes, this is a remarkable score that probably will not be topped by any other Division One Football Institution. Pardner, this is no BS and no BCS. The Texas coeds are the cutest this side of TCU and they require far less maintenance than their counterparts at Ole Miss. Night life is phenominal in and around Austin and close to three hundred days of sun afford nude undergraduates at Hippie Hollow a far more endearing collegiate tradition than any Aggie bonfire or Touchdown Jesus pep rally.

Hook 'em...I know I did.

6 Comments:

At 8:58 PM, Anonymous mrn said...

if kay baily hutchison is any indication of the graduates aging process, let me say i'd rather be a former yell leader any day than what passess for a former cheerleader, eventhough they are both republicans....she's got more wrinkles than Delay fund raising plan.....mrn

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger WylieWayne said...

I think I shall just say that I find your perspective enlightening and uh....too conservative!

 
At 4:44 AM, Anonymous Darren said...

What is all this about public nudity???? I went to the wrong university!!!

 
At 6:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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