NOWOTNY'S PARTY HEARTY COLLEGE CAMPUS GUIDELINE

Welcome to the Premiere Installment of NOWOTNY'S PARTY HEARTY COLLEGE CAMPUS GUIDELINE. For those of you with a son or daughter contemplating enrolling in a Four-Year School Of Higher Education this GUIDELINE is designed to provide pertinent, up-to-date information regarding the "fun quotient" of selected colleges painstakingly researched by yours truly.

Yes, US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT and FORBES, among other established, widely-available magazines, publish annually their rankings which focus on academics and tuition costs, etc. This service is provided for those of you who still believe in the enduring myth that the college experience is an important educational undertaking that has significant implications in your darling's future adult life. Get a grip, folks, because like it or not 90-plus percent of these hallowed halls of learning are simply "degree mills" which, at best, prepare their alumni to ultimately become real estate agents...or worse.

So, why go to all that expense and time and effort? To have the time of your life, baby, so read on and enjoy ---

Our Premiere Installment will focus on Texas Tech University, aka TTU, since the football team loves to run up the score as much as the frat boys. Be advised, if you have a lovely daughter and she enrolls here she will be ridden more often than the school's official mascot -- the horse that carries the semi-famous Red Raider. TTU is a Parthenon of Party Schools in great part because there simply isn't much else to do other than to drive out to the county line for beer and bourbon. (The civic leaders, under the stern influence of Born-Again Baptists, keep the town and campus dry thereby creating weekend traffic jams of biblical proportions). Anyway, sooner or later your son or daughter will be placed on sco-pro but don't worry -- the courses are so easy that it won't take too much effort to ultimately pass the minimum number of hours required for TTU's worthless sheepskin in a five to six year span.

So, hats off to Texas Tech and Bangin' Bertha (the "Victory Bell" which signals yet another score on campus as well as on the gridiron).