NEEDTOVENT EXCLUSIVE!

NAIROBI (Reuters) - A new species of giant spitting cobra, measuring nearly nine feet and possessing enough venom to kill at least 15 people, has been discovered in Kenya.

According to Kenyan environmentalist Richard Leakey, the cobras are the world's largest and have been identified as unique. The species has been named Naja Ashei, a presumed Swahili phrase that roughly translates to "Big Mouth Bitch" in reference to the mother of these snakes.

Leakey was quick to point out the significance of the discovery, "A new species of giant spitting cobra is exciting and reinforces the obvious -- that pure evil breeds pure evil."

Research published by Wolfgang Wuster, of the University of Wales, said a field visit confirmed the Naja Ashei is, indeed, a new species. "The new species is diagnosable from all other African spitting cobras by the possession of a unique DNA, that of Ms. Ann Coulter."

The identity of the father is uncertain, although informed sources contacted by Needtovent staff members have pointed to Rush Limbaugh as a likely possibility.